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A robot to forge your handwriting
In 1450, Johannes Gutenberg invented the movable type printing press. The advantage of this was mass printing of documents, but it did lose the personal touch: we personally prefer our Go Explore interview notes to be transcribed by Benediction monks on gold-leaf papyrus. Takes a while longer, but it certainly looks nicer. If only there was a middle ground…
Well, now there is. Introducing Bond, the writing robot that will handwrite notes in a way that no conventional printer can do, and make your friends and relatives believe you painstakingly hand-wrote huge swathes of text, when really you just paid a robot to do it for you.
Like all word processing packages for the last 20 or so years, Bond can pick from a number of different fonts (or handwriting styles), from scruffy to arty, thankfully without Comic Sans MS. You can even send the robot a sample of your own writing for it to learn exactly how you dot your ‘I’s and cross your ‘T’s. Or you could teach it someone else’s handwriting styles, and put words in their mouth. That will set you back $199, to cover the costs while the robot unlearns its perfect cursive, and perfects forging your slapdash scrawl.
Most passive-aggressively of all, the company will let you ‘Improve your handwriting’ for $499, which involves you visiting the company in Manhattan, where an expert (presumably not a robot, but it’s not explicitly said) will spend an hour refining your script, for the robot to learn.
Notes start at $2.99, and you can even have notepaper with a ‘Dapper Frog’ on, should you wish. We can’t help wishing that this technology existed in our school days, to get us out of sports. We probably wouldn’t have used the frog paper though.