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Science of Super Mario Galaxy debunked by uni paper


Mario, pictured here just moments before he violently exploded under the extreme pressures of outer space

In 2007, Nintendo sent Super Mario to space for what – at the time – was one of its greatest achievements yet. But like man’s own mission to the moon, conspiracy theorists now claim that all is not how it seems in Super Mario Galaxy.

In the shocking revelation that video games don’t all obey the strict laws of physics, four University of Leicester students have published a paper debunking the science of the Wii platformer. The tongue-in-cheek study, titled It’s a-me! Density!scrutinises the miniature planets inhabited by our moustachioed plumber, highlighting a “severe imbalance of gravitational pressure to degeneracy and coulomb pressures.”

What does all that mean? Well, in short, the planet would explode. The paper is riddled with complex formulas that we can’t begin to understand, but on a basic level the tiny planets would need to be incredibly dense in order to survive the pressures of outer space – a possibility that the students take delight in debunking.

“The degeneracy pressure far outstrips the gravitational pressure by eleven orders of magnitude. The outcome of this discrepancy is that if constructed, the planet would survive for only a very brief moment before violently destroying itself.”

So, what of Mario himself?

Sadly, it doesn’t look good for our hero either. As the planets in the game explode around him, Mario too would struggle to cope with the game’s flawed physics. The paper explains; “The slight lack of resistance to upwards blood flow would inflate and redden the subject’s face. It is possible that this is the source of Mario’s baby-like complexion.”

Oh, and much like the planets, he would also explode.

Summarising their findings, the University of Leicester students smugly conclude: “Although a pleasant idea, none of the above could ever truly come to pass. Clearly, the degeneracy pressure far outstrips the gravitational pressure by eleven orders of magnitude.”

Clearly. Ahem.

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